These 13 things will help when you are wondering what to say to someone who is depressed.

“The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences.” Proverbs 18:21

Scripture tells us that the words we speak can produce life or death. As a practicing psychologist, I find this to be true with respect to mental illness as well. Many ask me what to say to someone who is depressed.

The words we speak over our loved ones can build them up or tear them down. Just because we haven’t experienced the same suffering, doesn’t mean that their suffering isn’t real. Yet what we say may communicate just that.

In my practice, I often hear people saying things to or about depressed people, friends and loved ones that only serve to knock them down further. Often I don’t believe that is the intent, but comments are made because they don’t know better. Even the Bible says, “My people perish for lack of knowledge” (Hosea 4:6).

If you aren’t sure what is inappropriate to say to a depressed loved one or a depressed friend, read my post entitled “What Not to Say When a Loved One is Depressed.”

People who suffer from depression, anxiety or other mental illnesses often struggle with self-esteem, guilt, and shame. What they long for is to know that regardless of their suffering, they are loved, accepted, and not alone.

As you wonder what to say to help a depressed friend or loved one, let scripture be your guide: “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up” (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

Your words are important. They can tear down or lift people up.  Encourage one another! Speak life! For resources to help when someone you know is experiencing depression or anxiety, click through. #BibleVerse #depression #mentalhealth

When loved ones or friends suffer, we want to choose life-giving words to speak to build them up.

13 things to say to a depressed person.

Here are a few things TO say to someone struggling with depression, anxiety, or some other mental illness:

1. I love you.

You may have said this 1000 times before, but to the depressed individual, there is no better time to hear such words than when they are struggling to love themselves and wonder if others will give up on them and stop loving them too.

2. I’m here for you.

This sounds like such a little thing, but to the depressed individual who feels alone in their pain, this can be amazingly comforting.

3. You are important to me.

It’s vital to the depressed person to know that they are still acceptable, accepted, and loved.

4. I’m sorry that you are going through such a painful time.

It is frequently communicated to the person with depression, anxiety, or other mental illness that they should be able to just get over it. But by expressing your sorrow for their pain communicates that you really do care, even if you don’t fully understand.

5. Is there something I can do for you?

This communicates your willingness to help. Sometimes a depressed loved one won’t be able to think of anything specific you can do to help, but just your offer will lend comfort and encouragement. On the other hand, often the little things weigh heavy on the depressed person’s mind. Your offer to help may really lighten their load. But as an aside, don’t offer if you don’t intend to see it through. That would make things much worse. (Practical ways to help a friend in need.)

6. Depression doesn’t mean you are losing your mind.

When you suffer from depression, you can be more susceptible to believing that something is “wrong with you” and that you are the only one who suffers. Depression often has chemical roots just like a thyroid disorder. Having depression makes someone no more crazy than does having hypothyroidism or diabetes.

7. You may not believe this now, but you won’t always feel this way.

This might seem obvious to the nondepressed loved one, but to the depressed individual, they often need to remind them that there is hope. The Bible tells us that “Joy comes in the morning” and that’s a reminder that the depressed need to hear.

8. What do you think might help you feel better?

Asking this question helps reorient the depressed individual to think about those things that help them feel better rather than focusing on the negative.

9. Who do you have as a support system?

Asking this question helps the depressed individual think about who they have to lean on through this difficult time. It also lets you know to what degree they are really alone or perceive themselves to be alone.

10. Is there anything that might be making your depression worse?

This question can help the depressed individual begin to think about those thoughts, attitudes, or behaviors that perpetuate their depression that they may not otherwise be aware of.

11. Is there a time when your depression is worse?

This question will clue you into when they are most likely to need your support more. For some, mornings are difficult when it entails facing the whole day ahead with no change in their condition. For others, night time is the loneliest time.

12. We will get through this together.

This communicates your acceptance and your love.

13. Nothing.

In this case, it isn’t just a cliché. Actions often do speaker louder than words. I’m reminded of the passage in the Bible when Job encountered great hardship. In Job 2:13 it says that his friends came and sat with him for seven days and nights. During that time, they didn’t speak a word because they saw how great his pain was. Words could do nothing to help his misery, but their company spoke volumes.

Remember, when you are speaking to someone who is depressed, your goal is to encourage and uplift them. “But if it were me, I would encourage you. I would try to take away your grief” (Job 16:5 NLT).

How can you encourage a loved one today?

For a free resource that will provide more help when you have a loved one or friend experiencing depression, visit how to help a depressed loved one.

Scripture tells us that the words we speak can produce life or death.

What to say to someone with depression, anxiety, or other mental illness:

These 13 things are helpful to speak to someone struggling with depression, anxiety, or other mental illness. Your words are powerful. Use them to speak life to loved ones and friends experiencing depression.

“As a psychologist, I often purchase and study books written by authors who I respect. I am then able to share those books with specific individuals who I feel might benefit. “Hope Prevails: Insights from a Doctor’s Personal Journey through Depression,” by Dr. Michelle Bengtson is one of those books.

If you are struggling or have struggled with depression, this is a special book that I highly recommend. You’ll not find a better faith-based, practical, real and from-the-heart approach for tackling depression head-on than that shared by Michelle. Always remember that ‘hope prevails.’

“I have to tell you that your book, Hope Prevails is my all time favorite non-fiction Christian book EVER. When the Lord led me to buy it, I had no idea how absolutely perfect it would be for me. Just what the Doctor ordered. At first, I read through the whole book, all the time exclaiming “She gets it! She really gets it!” Then, I began going through the book as my morning devotional, page by page, making copious notes and writing out the Scriptures that affected me the most…

Thank you so much and may God bless you abundantly.”

What to Say to Someone Who is Depressed | Dr. Michelle Bengtson (drmichellebengtson.com)

By examining the biblical description of Satan and patterns in your life—you CAN overcome sin.

Ican still remember Room 101. That high school biology classroom reeked of formaldehyde, a constant reminder of chemically preserved frogs that were dissected by students.

Room 101 served another purpose during the fall football season. My team spent many hours sitting in there with shades drawn watching game tape of opposing teams on a rickety projector.

We would always study the opponent we would go to battle with the next game. No team was invincible, we were taught, so what could we discover on those 8-millimeter film rolls to secure an advantage against our next foe?

In competitive sports, studying game tape of your opponent can reveal their favorite plays and, more important, their weaknesses. Knowing and exploiting your challenger’s deficiencies is crucial to winning any contest.

Our coach demanded a lot from us. He made sure we studied who we would be individually going up against: “If you know what he will do before he does it, you gain the advantage. Study him!”

Yet studying our own game footage also exposed our weaknesses.

Painful memories of my own mistakes being watched over and over remain etched in my memory forever. The thought of an irritated coach detailing my mistakes in front of the team still sends chills up my spine.

“What were you thinking?” our coach would bellow as each mishap replayed ad nauseam. Rather than slicing up frogs in that room, we would dissect every imperfection in our performances. Personal disappointment of my miscues turned to embarrassment as I sunk deeper into those old, uncomfortable wooden chairs. In the end, however, the exercise showed me where I was wrong—and helped me become a better player.

In fact, taking a hard look at my own playing became even more important than watching game tape of the other team. Finding and rooting out my weaknesses meant opponents would not be able to exploit them, which drastically increased our chance of success.

For those high school football games, relatively little was at stake. A win-loss column cannot compare to what is on the line for Christians: rulership in God’s Kingdom and eternal life.

Our adversary Satan continuously works to gain a competitive edge against us. He seeks to discover our faults, entice us through temptation, and ensnare us in sin. Knowing how he operates is crucial.

Yet we must also take a hard look at ourselves, find the weak chinks in our armor, and overcome them with God’s help.

By studying the “game tape” of life, we can do just that. We can gain victory!

What We Are Up Against.

Everything we need to know about the devil is readily available in the Bible. There is little excuse to not know how this opponent will attack us and what his tendencies are. God’s Word is crystal clear about this being’s strengths.

Satan is deceptive (Rev. 12:9) and disguises himself as an angel of light (II Cor. 11:14), which means his way and ideas can seem right—though they ultimately lead to death. Add to this that he is subtle and devious (Gen. 3:1).

Perhaps most important to know is that the devil, as “god of this world” (II Cor. 4:4), is also “the prince of the power of the air.”

Ephesians 2 explains: “Wherein in time past you walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now works in the children of disobedience” (vs. 2).

Similar to radio, television and other mass communication mediums, Satan injects and broadcasts his wrong thoughts, moods and attitudes throughout the Earth.

Verse 3 continues: “Among whom [the children of disobedience] also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others.”

Note two things in this verse: Every Christian has been under this influence before, which led us to fulfill “the desires of the flesh and of the mind.” Also, we were once all “by nature the children of wrath.”

This means that even after repentance, baptism and receiving God’s Spirit (Acts 2:38), Satan’s nature—in the form of human nature—is still at work in Christians. Overcoming the pull to sin is a lifelong struggle.

Though we are no longer directly tuned into Satan’s wavelength, he can still influence us. Ephesians 6:16 shows that he shoots “fiery darts” of doubt meant to destroy our faith in God’s promises. He is also known as “the tempter” (Matt. 4:3; I Thes. 3:5).

“While temptation can seem like a great stumbling block for those living God’s Way, it actually has an incredibly inspiring purpose.”

Our time yielding to the devil’s nature—vanity, jealousy, lust, greed, envy, resentment, hatred, anger, pride, rebellion, foolishness, deceit and hostility toward God—leaves us particularly susceptible to temptation.

What is temptation exactly? The Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible entry for the words tempt and temptation includes “to test, endeavor, scrutinize, entice,” “solicitation” and “provocation.”

Satan tests us, probes for weaknesses, and looks for the perfect places where we can be enticed and provoked. He looks for the areas of our character where our nature most matches his nature.

Make no mistake, the devil knows our character flaws well and will relentlessly attack where we are weakest. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He is “full of wisdom” (Ezek. 28:12), albeit used for dark purposes. Revelation 12:10 states that he accuses the brethren “day and night” before God’s throne, which means he is carefully watching for slip-ups so he can rail against us.

Put this all together. The devil injects wrong thoughts and desires into our minds—which means we must defeat Satan. He has the ability to influence the nearly eight billion people alive today simultaneously—which means we must avoid the temptations of society. Finally, Christians still have human nature—which means we must overcome self.

These three opponents, SATAN, SOCIETY and SELF, are what every Christian must battle to overcome sin and build God’s holy, righteous character.

Arguably, the greatest of these adversaries is self. Consider. Satan and society are powerful influences on us, but they do not force us to do anything. The pulls of these two enemies all ride on decisions we make. If both Satan and society were removed from the picture, Christians would still have to overcome their own self-will and natural weaknesses.

Yet there is a clear way to accomplish this.

Proving Ground.

While temptation can seem like a great stumbling block for those living God’s Way, it actually has an incredibly inspiring purpose.

Realize that temptation in and of itself is not wrong. Instead, it is a proving ground. Rather than always leading to sin, temptation can be used to build godly character, willpower and spiritual stamina.

The test of temptation can refine and ultimately strengthen us. This was the case in the story of Job. Note that God invited the devil to test His servant because God knew Job could handle it. (Read Job 1:6-8.) Also, He knew Job had a deep-seated self-righteousness problem, which would surface under pressure and therefore could be addressed.

Although God allows temptation in our lives, never lose sight of the fact that He cares for us. Be confident that He will not allow us to have more than we can handle. Remember: “There has no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that you are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that you may be able to bear it” (I Cor. 10:13).

Have faith in this promise as temptations and trials come. God never allows more enticements than “you are able” to handle. By relying on Him, you will gain “a way to escape” and “be able to bear it.”

Also, whenever temptation comes, remember its purpose: to strengthen you.

Know Yourself.

Christians should never blame Satan when they sin. “The devil made me do it” is a childish excuse! Every sin we commit is ultimately our own fault. James 1:14 makes this clear: “But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust and enticed.”

We are tempted by our OWN lusts. Thayer’s Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament defines the word lust in this verse as “desire, craving, longing” and “desire for what is forbidden.”

Enticed means “beguile,” “allure,” and “deceive.” In other words, it involves influence by trickery and delusion.

Each time we give in to temptation, it is our own fault. We desire something that is forbidden—contrary to God’s Law—and then delude ourselves into thinking it is okay to sin.

Whenever we recognize this is occurring, we must study the game tape of our lives.

Proverbs 24:16 states, “For a just man falls seven times, and rises up again.” When we do sin, we must rise up again and ask God for forgiveness and repentance. Then we must examine why we fell by looking at the circumstances that led up to it. We must identify our weak spots because we will continue to be attacked in these areas. Meditation is a key component in preparing for the next attack.

It is helpful to ask yourself a series of questions while analyzing where you went wrong:

What were the circumstances that led up to the sin?

Where were you when everything occurred? Did just being there set you up for failure?

What specific thoughts came into your mind to set you up?

Did you blow past the promised ways of escape?

Do not answer these questions lightly. If we are serious about defeating sin, we have to be fully and brutally honest with ourselves!

We all battle the works of the flesh (Gal. 5:19-21). The key is to master control over our carnal desires so they cannot be used to seduce us.

Notice Romans 8: “If you live after the flesh, you shall die: but if you through the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, you shall live” (vs. 13).

Recognize where you are weakest, and do not let pride stop you from addressing the problem before temptation strikes.

We must take the time to study and learn the scriptures that apply to our weaknesses so we may bring them to mind when we perceive temptation.

When we do fail, remember that our mistakes can teach us how not to do something. Meditating on past events in our lives can be our game tape to teach us and reinforce right behavior. Do not allow this great teacher—experience—to slip by. We must take advantage of what we have suffered so we can become wiser and not allow ourselves to be trapped again.

Overcome!

God gives us an even greater aid to defeat the pulls of the flesh: “For we have not a high priest [Jesus Christ] which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are yet without sin” (Heb. 4:15).

Jesus Christ is our high priest and intercedes on our behalf (7:25)—He is a “mediator between God and men” (I Tim. 2:5). Because He was tempted just as we are and knows what we are up against, He can perfectly fulfill His role as an intercessor between Christians and the Father.

With all this in mind, we must follow Hebrews 4:16: “Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.”

When we need help during temptation, or mercy and forgiveness when we sin, we should boldly go before God in prayer. He will help us!

Know that Satan’s greatest defeat came during his challenge of Jesus. The accounts in Matthew 4:1-11 and Luke 4 reveal the greatest matchup between these two beings. The encounter is instructive for every Christian in battling sin. Note that each attack from the adversary was met with a Bible passage. Knowing Scripture is key to overcoming temptation.

Take comfort that Christ has overcome the world—and Satan. Jesus stated: “These things I have spoken unto you, that in Me you might have peace. In the world you shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).

We can do the same!

Even when we do successfully thwart temptation, we have to understand that we cannot let our guard down. Overcoming sin is a lifelong pursuit.

After Christ triumphed over Satan’s temptations, the adversary had no plans to give up: “And when the devil had ended all the temptation, he departed from Him for a season” (Luke 4:13). Satan has not changed.

Just like Christ, we must never let our guard down.

Preparation is key to defeat and frustrate Satan and our own sinful natures. All the while, keep in mind that temptation is the ultimate proving ground.

Strive to rid your life of earthly lusts. Study Satan’s tactics by reading the booklet Who Is the Devil? Continue to study yourself and think of everything that is at stake. You do not want to lose!

Know Your Opponent (rcg.org)

What Not To Do on the Sabbath.

What sorts of things are we supposed to avoid doing on the Sabbath? The Bible gives us instructions to rest and not to work, but what does that look like, practically, for us today? I want to point out some specific things we aren't to do, because when I first started keeping the Sabbath there were many things that I overlooked. As with the post on what to do on the Sabbath, this is not meant to be a comprehensive list, but rather a general guideline of Scripture's instructions surrounding the set apart day.

The Bible tells us that on the Sabbath day we shouldn't:

Work:

-Work professionally. Full time, part time, or as needed. This includes side hustles or any sort of gig. Whether you work for yourself or someone else, working should be avoided. See this post for information about how to stop working on the Sabbath.

-Do unnecessary household tasks. I'm talking about things like yardwork or doing the laundry or general cleaning, as well as tasks like balancing the checkbook or paying bills. These things could easily wait another day so that you can enjoy Sabbath rest.

-Work on special projects. This could be anything from party planning to blogging to helping someone move to finally hanging up that framed family photo.

-Promote your work or business. The Sabbath is not for professional networking or trying to solicit new business. Trust in YHWH to provide for your needs.

Have someone work for us:

-Shop. If you go to a store or business then the employees are working on your behalf. Save your shopping list for another day.

-Hire help. If you need an electrician, plumber, etc. or if you pay someone to do yard work or to fix your vehicle, schedule that for a day that is not the Sabbath. I would also think twice before enrolling a child in dance class or art class that meets on the Sabbath, because the instructor would be working (not to mention that this wouldn't be very restful for you or your child).

-Run errands like going to the bank.

-Make appointments. Sabbath is not the day to call about getting an oil change or to set up a dentist appointment, etc.

-Eat out. Going to a restaurant for a meal or coffee shop for a drink means that cooks, servers, baristas, etc. are working on your behalf.

-Give other people things to do. While there is nothing wrong with talking to friends and family, please be considerate of other people's day of rest and refrain from asking them to do things for you, whether that's look something up, email you information, or schedule an appointment. I know from experience that there is nothing relaxing about being asked to do some sort of errand or chore, even if the person doesn't expect you to do it until later in the week. Saving your requests for another day helps to promote a restful atmosphere for all.

I'd like to point out that these restrictions are for normal circumstances. The Messiah used the analogy of the ox in the ditch (Luke 14:5) to say that emergencies happen, and sometimes it is necessary to do something on the Sabbath that is not restful or ideal. If you are in need of the police, immediate medical care, etc. please do not hesitate to get the services you need!

The following are things not expressly ruled out by Scripture, but that generally don't lend themselves well to a day of rest. You can certainly choose to do these things if you wish, but consider if taking part in these is helping or hindering rest in your life.

A few more suggestions of things to avoid for a better Sabbath day:

-Spending the day on the internet. Is all of that time on social media doing you any favors? Does website hopping leave you feel refreshed or drained? Consider how your internet activity makes you feel, and see if YHWH is calling you to something better on the Sabbath.

-Watching the news. Tuning into the news is a great way to invite fear and anxiety into your life and home. Most of what the news covers has very little impact on our daily lives, and much of what is news today will be forgotten by tomorrow. Keeping the television shut off can make for a more peaceful atmosphere for your home.

-Stressing yourself out. Sabbath rest is a reminder that we depend on YHWH. Therefore, a great gift to give yourself and your family is to not ruminate on things that worry you, be those finances, needing to buy a new car, relationship trouble, or concern for a loved one. Instead of focusing on the 'what-ifs', redirect your thinking to remind yourself of YHWH's promise to work all things together for good. This post about how Scripture says to handle anxiety can help you to manage this.

-Trying to quickly knock something off your to do list. It's easy to let yourself think that if you just get whatever thing done, then you'll be able to rest. But you are called to set aside work, even when there are things to do or the house needs cleaned. Don't fall for the lie that rest can only be had when everything is done, or that whatever thing "needs" to be done. Unless it's an emergency, let it go and set apart the Sabbath.

land of honey: What Not To Do on the Sabbath (landofhoneyblog.blogspot.com)